Pure bliss

Here I am recovering from all the lovely Christmas food they gave me yesterday.

Silly present

That's the dog toy she was knitting during December. It was supposed to be a cat. It took me less than fifteen minutes to get it open and pull all the stuffing out. She had put a squeek in it also, which I chewed to bits. What kind of a present is that for a lab?

It's Christmas!!!

I wasn't expecting it, so it came as a complete surprise to me when the presents came out. I must admit I became a little overexcited. I enjoy tearing the paper up the most. The toys are fine too, but biscuits are the best.

Look, the dog has caught a bird!

Oh, lovely.

Interesting

Now, this may be rubbish to them, but I happen to find it very interesting. There are smells of potato crisps and chocolate, and even if there is nothing left here to eat I could have some fun shredding these wrappers all over the carpet.

For Tess

A parcel has arrived from our cousins in Iceland, where they make the best dried fish in the world. I know the label says "FOR TESS" so why can't I have it now? Dogs can't wait for Christmas.

Teaparties

Sometimes they meet up without us, our “mums” who walk us together in the mornings. Mine, Rory’s and Pepper’s. They say it is nice to get changed, and see each other without the dog walking “uniforms” of green wellingtons and jeans with a muddy pawprint on the knee. They go and have tea and cakes and a chat. I expect they will be discussing whose dog is the smartest.

Balloon

Look! I have a balloon!
It goes up and I pull it down again.

Then I bite it and shake, shake, shake.

Foxes

There was a fox screeching in the garden last night, and again at 5 am, waking us all up. I barked and growled, to let it know that there is a dog in this house and no foxes allowed.

Puppies

Tess, aged 12 weeks.

Puppies annoy me. They are all over you, and they get all the attention from the humans. We met a new dogwalker in the park last week, and she had this little black lab. "Isn´t she sweet! Just like you looked at that age, Tess." I did not. I was even cuter. So when that pup came all wigglety to sniff my ears I produced a deep growl that only she could hear. One must teach them some respect.

Overeating

Last night I ate my dinner and then did not stop begging until I had been given a nice piece of the meat they were having, as well as a potato, and later a chewy treat. I don't think they realized that they were both giving me extra bits. When I went out before bedtime I felt a bit off, so I ate a big wad of grass. The result was me being sick on their bedroom floor at 4.30 am. Big mess. Then I got so hungry that I could hardly wait for breakfast.

Hellooooooo

See how grey I'm getting around the muzzle. That is me getting old and wise.

Something in the Air

She has been buying wrapping paper and ribbons, and she is knitting something that looks very much like a toy for a dog. Could it be that my favourite time of year is just around the corner? I love Christmas. All the food and the presents. I'd better get rid of what's left of last year's stuff.

Autumn Days

Wet and muddy. "Wash the dog" is what she says every morning after our walk, and I respond by trotting behind the house, where the garden hose is, to be washed. Then I get rubbed with my big, brown towel, which I love. It has rained a lot and the river has flooded, and a heap of new sticks have been washed ashore. I pick one up every day and carry home. The bigger, the better.

Fighting Dog

I got into a fight today. It is these two dogs called Millie and Midge; they came too close to my garden gate. I was out there when they came running up, so I went to chase them away. Unfortunately there are two of them, so they had me on my back. We made a lot of noise and our owners came running and shouting. Shame. I normally don't mind Millie and Midge. They are ok, but now I don't know what will happen next time I see them.

Chasing Rabbits

When the old folks go for their prescriptions, which is often as they take a lot of pills, I get to visit the park behind the pharmacy. These are my favourite trips, because there are rabbits in that park, and chasing rabbits is a great sport. Yesterday I almost got one. They say that will never happen, but you just wait and see.

Perfume

There is a spot in the corner of the park where there is the most enchanting aroma. There is now a bit of a hollow in the grass, formed by the many dogs that have been rolling in that particular place, to get some of that lovely smell on their coats. In the middle of the hollow there is the flattened carcass of a long-dead rat. Most of us end a good roll by doing a little piddle, thus making the original smell even more pungent. I have been there several times, but each time mom gets very upset, throws sticks in the river for me to fetch and washes me all over when we get home. She even wiped me with a lavender perfumed tissue this morning. This removes all the good smell. I must roll again tomorrow.

Waiting

Saturday afternoon, raining outside. They are both sitting at their computers, staring at their screens. Mom upstairs, dad downstairs. I just wait. Wait for them to get up and have their "three o'clock" and take me out for my walk. I'm ready. I'll jump up as soon I hear the little tune the computer plays when it is turned off. I know it well. Com' on . . .

Happiness

When we are getting ready to go out for a walk, I show my exuberant happiness by going into dad's study, grabbing something out of his basket and tearing it to bits. Fun, fun, fun!

Grrrrrrr

We labs look sweet and friendly, and that makes this game very effective. Walk up to a stranger, preferably an old lady. Smile and wag your tail. She will smile back, bend down in order to pet you, saying "What a nice doggie." At that moment do a little forward jump, raise your hackles and growl, showing your teeth. The commotion this causes is very amusing.

Wise old dog

I am inquisitive and have a good memory, and I am suspicious of things I have not seen before. When I was young I used to bark at people with something white on their head, white hair or hats. I also barked at people with umbrellas, motorcycle helmets and once at a man with a child on his shoulders. It looked like a tall two-headed creature. I embarrassed my mom and dad the most, however, when we all went to the airport to meet a friend, and while we waited outside the terminal I saw a black man for the first time. I went wild. Now, however, I am a lot wiser, and of course I happen to be black myself!

Another Day, Another Adventure

We walked a long path today, into the woods and back by a lake. I met a handsome guy who followed us for a long time, his owner trotting behind, constantly calling him, but he was very disobedient.

At the lakeside I went into the reeds and guess what! I found a big well rotted fish, so I had a good roll. They did not see me doing it, but when I joined them they tried their best to clean it off. Then they left me in the car, and went for a cup of coffee in the visitors' centre. When they came back the car windows were all steamed up, and there I sat in the back seat, their steamy stinky dog. The cleaning job had not been all that successful. The rest of our pleasant Sunday drive was taken with open car windows.

October Morning

Great walk in the woods this morning. I got wet and I got muddy so I was allowed a long swim in the river before we went home. I found a good stick which I carried all the way home.

Photos taken this morning with camera phone.

Mixed Messages

I like to be kept up-to-date on what is going on here, and am constantly looking for signs. When dad puts on his walking shoes I get all waggy and happy, but then he may disappoint me by going out to paint the fence instead of talking me for a walk. If mom changes into different clothes and comes downstairs with her handbag, I think we are going out for a drive, but then she goes away on her own to meet her book group. Most of the time, however, I get it right. I pick up essential words from their conversation, such as “take her” or “take Tess” or “going in the car” or just “go” and I jump up and run around them in circles, and wag not just my tail, but my whole body.

Blankets

I love my blankets. I have several. There is the brown one, the green one, the red one and the yellow one. If you want me to settle in a certain spot, just throw down a blanket, and I will go ant sit on it. Blankets are nice for wrapping up in, too.

Training

This is me aged eight months, being "trained."

When I was a pup they took me to training classes. It was run by two angry women, both named Evelyn, and we were to walk around in circles, the humans leading their dogs, and stop and sit and then walk on and turn and stop and sit. All of us puppies wore choke chains around our necks. I got overexcited and wanted to sniff the other dogs and I pulled and pulled and did nothing right. Mom got stressed and the Evelyns shouted, which made us even more stressed. It was a nightmare and I learned nothing. One of the Evelyns took me outside and walked me up the street on the lead, and I pulled so much that she told mom that I was “diabolical.” Me????

In the end we gave up. Mom decided that choke chains and shouting was no way to train a little dog. She was right. If you want me to learn something, just use food.

Mom’s handbag

Several years ago I stayed at home one day, while they went out for lunch. When they came back I got a whiff of something delicious, and guess what! There was a big chunk of lovely steak wrapped in a napkin in mom’s handbag. Since that day I always check her handbag for meat when she returns home from somewhere. One never knows.

Lazy Saturday

On a rainy afternoon they like to sit in front of their screens. He downstairs, she upstairs. And in the bedroom I am doing what I like most, after eating. Dreaming (of food).

Boxes

When my biscuit boxes are empty I always get them, because I love tearing them up. Also, for some reason, they always leave a biscuit or two inside these boxes, which makes the work of shredding them even more interesting.

Dog tired

Just back from my walk. Wet and tired. Leave me alone.

Intelligent?

There is a tennis court in the park, and yesterday Rory went in, but could not find his way out again. There he was, running back and forth on his little legs, ears up, worried about being left behind. The humans in our walking pack found it amusing. "Go and get Rory" they said to us dogs.
So I walked up to the court and stopped outside the gate. Rory came running and found the way out. I got all the praise. "She is so intelligent" said Rory's mom, and gave me a biscuit. Did I do this good deed deliberately? Am I actually a wonder dog? Who knows.

Black Cat

Yesterday I almost got it. I saw it in the garden and I howled and barked and rushed out, and the cat ran across to the top of the garden. As it happened dad was there, painting the fence, so the cat turned and ran the other way, right in front of me. It was one black streak, the cat and me after it. But cats run fast and they can climb, so it escaped. Mom was pleased with me. She said she hoped that the cat would stop trying to get the birds in our garden, now that it knows that there is a fearsome dog in the house.

Tree

There has been turmoil in the house this last week because their beloved big tree had to be taken down. A squad of little men with hard hats and noisy instruments were up the tree, and took it away in bits. Mom has been upset and dad has been stressed, but me, I'm not bothered. My meals have been on time and my walks, and the fallen tree was a source of many excellent sticks.

Pizza

Picture this. Last nights bedtime walk with dad. Up the street we trot, I am on my lead. At the corner there is a noisy group of young people. They are eating a big pizza. Yummy!
"Would you like some pizza?" they shout.
"No thanks." Dad picks up speed, looking at his feet.
"Would your dog like some pizza?" they shout again.
"Oh yes, please!!!" I think, but dad just hurries on, pulling me along.
When we come back the kids have all gone, but guess what? In the gutter there is a delicious looking piece of pizza! I grab it, and swallow it before dad can say "NO TESS!"
Lucky me.

Dried fish

A parcel arrived this morning. Our friend in Iceland sent me lots of dried fish. There is nothing I love more. Unfortunately mom rations it, so I only get a tiny bit every day.

Life According to Tess

I do not appreciate my routine being disturbed. This morning after a wet walk I just wanted to relax wrapped in my blanket, but they were all upset, running in and out, because the big chestnut tree fell on the fence in last night's storm. I need my rest, and then I want my lunch. Then another nap, until mom says "three o'clock" and I wag my tail happily because I know that means she will bring a tray with coffee into the conservatory and there always is a biscuit for me. Then I want my afternoon walk and when I get back I want my dinner. Life should be orderly. Never mind the tree.

Rolling

This morning I found some lovely fox mess, and immediately threw myself down and spread it on my neck. My favourite perfume. Guess what? They washed me when we got home. The picture was taken after I had rolled in some nice fresh cowpat on a Sunday walk last month. I think they did not really want to take me home with them that day.

Tess Waits

When they put my rug on the kitchen floor and say "Tess waits" I know they are going out without me. I give them my sad and mournful look, and mom feels guilty and gets me treats. The truth is that it is nice being able to relax, and not having to be responsible for them all the time. They always come back, and then there will be more treats.

A Dog's Dilemma

I found a football this morning. And then I found another one. No way could I take them both home. I tried, but my mouth just isn't big enough. In the end I was not allowed to take either of them. I got put on the lead and pulled away, against my will. They say I have enough footballs, but how can a dog ever have enough balls?

A Dog to Be Proud of

We have a visitor from abroad, and there are trips in the car and long walks every day. Great. If only they had not decided that while their guest is here the dog is to behave. They do not want to be ashamed of their dog. "No treats from the table, get your head out of the fridge/dishwasher, stop begging. Sit! Give me a paw!" (Such show offs!).

Getting a treat at 5 am

I woke up, felt itcy. Scratched. Decided that a little snack would be nice. Whimper, whimper, whine. Mom always wakes up. She is a light sleeper. Actually she had trouble getting to sleep last night. I whine again. "What is it Tess? Do you need to go out?" She stumbles out of bed and down the stairs, diasarms the night alarm. I follow dutifully, and when she opens the back door, I go outside. Not for long. Not far. I do not need to do anything. When I come back in I look at her and wag expectantly. I deserve my treat, don't I? I grab it and run upstairs, and by the time mom has put the alarm back on and climbed the stairs, I have already eaten my treat, and am comfortably snuggled up in her warm bed. Clever, aren't I?

Collies

Forget Lassie. Collies are a nuisance and I cannot stand them. Every time I see one my hackles rise and I have to be hooked to my lead to avoid confrontation. There have been accidents, I have even been accused of biting a collie's ear (not true, it bit its own ear). The first collie I ever met belonged to a lady who had a habit of walking the path past our garden ever so slowly, giving me and the collie lots of time to bark and growl and snarl at one another. I got a good scent of that dog, which I will always remember, and believe me, collies all have that smell. Keep off!

Rory

We have walked with the same pack of dogs and humans daily since we were pups. Rory is my protector, and when strange dogs come up to speak with me, he sees them off. He has been known to chase a Doberman away with its tail between its legs. My friend Rory is a big, brave dog in a small dog’s skin.

The River

There is a river where we go our walks, and I swim there every day. I am a natural swimmer, a black torpedo in the water, using my tail as a rudder. I love that river. Mom loves it too. She likes to watch the little fish jumping and the heron standing like a garden statue where it is shallow. She sometimes sees dippers and ducks, and even a kingfisher. I would prefer she concentrated on throwing sticks for me to fetch.

TV

My family spends their evenings watching TV. We have our dinner, and then we all go into the living room. Mom sits in her chair, which I do not like, because it rocks, and dad sits on the sofa. If he gets there fast enough, that is. While he is making sure all the doors are locked and pushing the buttons on the set I usually beat him to it. I jump onto the sofa, push all cushions and throws off, and stretch out, making myself as long and heavy as I can. I will not move. I was there first. In the end he will manage to drag me over, so he can squeeze in, and then we all relax and I go to sleep. Until he needs to stand up for some reason. Then I hog the whole sofa again.

Sticks

What makes sticks so fascinating? Is there somewhere, buried deep in the mind of a waggy, smily pet like me, a remnant of a dark and distant past, when dogs where hunters and scavengers, and a lovely leg bone from a deer or other prey would be a prize posession, something worth fighting over and running away with to gnaw on in private. I don’t know, I don’t ponder over such things. I just love sticks.

The Vet

They took me to see the vet yesterday, to get my annual booster. What a place. Cats, hissing inside their cages, stupid pups bothering me, and worst of all, big dogs who do not respect my status. I completely refused to go inside, and had to be carried. Then I got felt all over, my ears and teeth were inspected and I was stung with a needle while the vet stupidly waved a biscuit in front of my nose. Keep your biscuit. I WILL NOT go there again.

Heather

Sunday walkies in the hills. Smells of foxes and ferns and rabbits! Mom and dad admiring the wildflowers and the views, and I rushing ahead, up the hill, down the hill, into the stream and up the hill again. Laughing and panting and having a great time.

Golfballs

I often find golfballs in the park, and I try to walk well ahead so mom does not see it in my mouth. She worries herself sick thinking that I might choke or maybe even swallow one. Once I found three, and I tried to take them all home. She was after me, wanting to get them from me, and when she caught me, I only had two in my mouth. She did not know whether I had managed to hide one, or maybe it was in my belly. She and her friend spent a long time searching the park where we had been, trying to find where I had hidden it, and when she did not find it, she spent sleepless nights worrying about me being all blocked up or poisoned by toxic fluids inside golf balls. There never was any sign of that ball, so what happened to it? Well, I am not telling!

Cats

Why do I chase cats? Because they run. Anything that runs gets chased. Besides, it is my job to keep our garden clear of cats because of all the birds that come to the birdfeeders. I never get told off when I chase a cat in the garden, but unfortnately I usually go in the wrong direction, following the scent leading to where the cat came from because I use my nose, and not my eyes. Embarrassing. When I realize my mistake the cat is long gone.

Begging

When they are having their coffee and biscuits, stay close. Gobble the dog biscuit they give you instantly, and then stare. Don't blink. Just stare mournfully and hopefully. If that does not work, lift a paw and touch their leg lightly. Repeat. The last resort is to put your head on their knee, and keep staring at their face. I guaranee that eventually you will get a bite of a biscuit.

My Sunday

Great day! Read all about it here!

Balls

My second passion in life, after food, is balls. I can sniff a lost tennis ball a mile away, and my most successful walks are when I retrieve a ball and bring home. Usually they are manageable, but footballs can be tricky. I have, however, figured out that a tooth stuck into one of the seams will help carry one.

Ticks

We have all had ticks this summer, my friends and I. There is a lot of them around . One was removed by the vet, but dad found the second one by chance last Saturday, and they removed it themselves. What a carry on. Stinking surgical spirit, and then mom put her heated curling iron on the tick to kill it. It worked. I have only had ticks once before, that was when we went for a holiday in the Scottish Highlands, where there are a lot of sheep.

Food

Food means everything to me. I could eat a whole lot more than they give me. When we go out for a walk I run ahead on the path, sniffing and looking for edible stuff. Sometimes I am lucky and find a half-eaten hamburger or a few chips on the bottom of a bag, but I have to be quick, because mom tries to take it away from me. I swallow as fast as I can, she can find her own food.